This is What 'Gentle Parenting' Really Does for Your Child
by Milou van Moors
May 28, 2025
Many grandparents might say, “Back in my day, you’d get disciplined for being cheeky.” Today, more and more parents are choosing a different approach. Instead of strict discipline, they try to raise their children more gently. This approach is called “gentle parenting.” But what does that mean, exactly?
Gentle parenting is often misunderstood. Some people think it means letting your child get away with anything. According to psychologist Brian Razzino, that’s not the case. This parenting style is actually about being clear, setting boundaries, and teaching children skills that are useful later in life. The goal is to guide children calmly and respectfully, without ignoring their feelings.
More and more parents want to raise their children differently from how they were raised. They long for more love, less yelling, and more openness. A 2023 Pew Research Center study found that almost half of all parents consciously look for new ways of parenting. They want to listen to their child, without losing authority.
Different Styles of Parenting
There are four well-known parenting styles in psychology: neglectful, authoritarian, permissive, and authoritative. The neglectful parent gives little attention, sets no rules, and doesn’t respond when something gets broken or a child misbehaves.
Authoritarian parents focus on strict obedience. “Because I said so” is often the answer, and punishment is given without explanation or conversation.
Permissive parents are loving, but don’t set boundaries. They may understand their child’s anger or frustration but don’t do anything about it.
Then there's the authoritative style, which strikes a balance. These parents are warm and clear. They listen to their child and recognize their emotions, but also provide consistent rules. Gentle parenting is very similar to this authoritative approach. However, the term “gentle parenting” is still quite new and is especially popular on social media, rather than in scientific books.
What Do People Online Mean by Gentle Parenting?
Researchers Annie Pezalla and Alice Davidson studied what influencers mean by gentle parenting. They found that parents using this term particularly value calmness and emotional control. They try to stay calm even when their child acts out. They show affection, but still maintain boundaries.
These parents are much like authoritative parents: they are involved, explain things, and set logical consequences when something goes wrong. However, there’s a lot of variation in how parents put this into practice. One “gentle parent” is clear and loving but firm; another is mainly sweet and lenient. That’s why you see different interpretations of the term on social media.
According to psychologist Razzino, gentle parenting boils down to three things: connecting with your child, explaining the reasons for rules, and setting clear boundaries. You help your child understand their feelings and teach them how to respond better.
Are We Too Soft on Our Kids?
Some people think gentle parenting is too soft. They say the world is tough, and children need to learn that. But experts disagree. It’s not about a lack of boundaries; it’s about calmly explaining and enforcing them.
Suppose your child throws food on the floor. A permissive parent might say, “Don’t do that,” and move on. An authoritarian parent might send the child to bed without dinner. A gentle parent would say, “I see you want to play, but food stays on your plate. If you throw it again, I’ll take your plate away.”
The idea is to implement logical consequences. Your child learns that behavior has effects that match the situation. If you hit your friend with a toy car, the playdate is over. You teach your child that actions have consequences, without scaring them.
Gentle parenting consists of two main steps: showing you understand how your child feels, and making clear what is and isn’t acceptable. Don’t skip the first step, but don’t get stuck in it either. Ultimately, you work toward solutions and explain what will happen if certain behavior continues.
Research shows that this parenting approach works. Children become mentally stronger, happier, and more successful. A 2022 study even showed that children raised this way perform better at school. In 2020, lack of this approach was linked to a lower sense of life satisfaction.
Gentle Parenting Requires a Lot From Parents
Still, this way of parenting is not easy. It takes a lot of time and energy to stay calm, name feelings, and explain boundaries—especially if you were raised with little warmth or understanding yourself.
Many parents become exhausted. They want to do everything right, sometimes at the expense of their own well-being. Research shows that parents who constantly try to remain emotionally calm can end up burning out.
On social media, you see extreme examples of gentle parenting. Some influencers say you should never say “no,” always cuddle a tantruming child in public, or never let a child lay on the floor. But that’s not realistic for everyone.
Pezalla advises parents to not fixate on a perfect method. Instead, she says, focus on four things: warmth, structure, recognizing your child as an individual, and a long-term approach. Everything else is secondary.
You don’t have to be a perfect parent. You are allowed to make mistakes, get angry, or change your mind. The most important thing is doing your best, taking responsibility, and being a role model. That way, children learn that they too are allowed to grow, learn, and improve.
Source: infovandaag.nl - Dit is was ‘gentle parenting’ doet met jouw kind…