Many parents need support when raising their children, especially since most can't be home every day due to work. They often rely on relatives, friends, or professional babysitters. In November 2020, Henny (69) shared her experience on Reddit and asked for advice about a conflict with her daughter.
When Family Childcare Gets Complicated
Henny's daughter, age 29, had a one-year-old son and was about to return to work full-time. While her in-laws could care for the baby several days a week, her daughter asked Henny to help out on the other days.
Although Henny was willing to look after her grandson, she set one condition: she wanted to be paid €10 per hour for her work. Her daughter thought that was too expensive and offered €8 per hour instead. Henny felt this was unacceptable and insisted that she deserved to be fairly paid for her time and effort, especially since babysitting would prevent her from earning elsewhere.
The Offer and Negotiation
In her post, Henny explained that her daughter works five days a week, seven to eight hours each day, and needed help two to three of those days. Henny was willing to assist on those days—but only for €10 per hour. Since her daughter herself only earned €19 per hour, she said she couldn't afford this and countered with an €8 rate.
Henny rejected the lower offer and voiced her frustration, clarifying that she wasn't a formal childcare provider, and she had her own work and couldn't do both without proper compensation. "I'm not a daycare center," she explained on Reddit. "And while I love my grandson, I have my own life and commitments."
The Details: Working Out the Math
Help was needed two or three days each week, which meant a weekly commitment of roughly 16 to 24 hours. At €10 per hour, Henny would be asking for €160–€240 per week—a significant sum, especially considering her daughter earned only €19 per hour herself.
Unable to afford Henny's rate, the daughter's €8 per hour offer wasn't enough for her mother. This led to tension between the two: Henny felt her time was undervalued, while her daughter saw the request as bordering on unreasonable, especially coming from family.
Online Opinions: Was Henny Fair?
The responses on Reddit were mostly critical of Henny. Many users considered her demand to be unreasonable. Some suggested that Henny was trying to take advantage of her daughter by demanding such a large share of her salary. Others agreed and thought Henny should have simply said she wasn't available.
"There's nothing wrong with saying you're unavailable," one user wrote, "but expecting that much money from your own daughter just isn't right." Others speculated that Henny may have adjusted her story for sympathy, noting inconsistencies in her explanation and questioning her true motives.
That said, a minority of commenters could understand Henny's viewpoint, suggesting it's not unreasonable for grandparents—especially those with their own work obligations—to request some compensation. "Childcare is hard work," one commenter noted, "and everyone has the right to decide how they want to spend their retirement."
The Takeaway: Balancing Family and Fair Compensation
Should family always be expected to help for free, or is it okay to set boundaries and request payment, especially when regular, extensive care is needed? Henny's story highlights how complicated these arrangements can get when expectations are not clear from the start.
One thing is certain: open conversations and clear agreements are vital when family is involved in childcare. As the online debate around Henny's post shows, each family needs to strike its own balance between love, duty, and fairness.
While everyone has a right to fair compensation for their time and effort, most Reddit users felt Henny was asking too much of her daughter, who was simply looking for help.